On Life.

I am back from Hawaii with a heavy heart.
You'd think after the passing of my Dad in August and my Grandpa in September, I'd be numb to any type of sadness. But I beg to differ. In fact, it's been the complete opposite.

I flew to Hawaii this weekend to see my other grandpa -- my grandpa from my mom's side of the family. He's been ill and had open heart surgery last month that his body has never fully recovered from. While on the plane Friday night, my grandpa's heart stopped beating, his lungs stopped working, and the nurses found him unresponsive. I walked off the plane to be bombarded with "emergency/911/call me ASAP" voice mails and text messages from my family.

I arrived in Hawaii at almost 2:30am after being delayed almost 3 hours. It was pouring rain. I called my aunt as soon as I got my bags, and sat on the curb, in the rain and just cried when she told me the news. I flew in so late that the airport workers said that the rental car place was closed. But in my crazy state of mind, I didn't listen, or maybe I really didn't think about what I was doing. I took a taxi to the rental car place only to find that it was in fact closed. I walked around aimlessly getting drenched in the rain, looking for someone...anyone to help me. I found a security guard.

In between my unstoppable crying, and blubbering, I tried to explain to him that I needed to get my car reservation. By this time, I am completely soaking wet, mascara running down my face and i'm pretty sure he thought I was crazy. But he saved me. He was able to find an employee that was getting ready to leave. He explained to her my situation and they reopened the office and got me my car. I cried again. I was so happy. I hugged the both of them.

The next 2 days (actually 1.5 days) were a blur. All I know is that there were many trips to the hospital, grandma's houses, and a trip to the beach to talk to dad (we scattered his ashes on the beach in hawaii).

Grampa is still in the hospital on 100% life support. I thought I would be okay. I've been pretty good since dad and my other grampa's passings, but I do believe this was my breaking point. I've been crying uncontrollably, I can't really eat, or do any work. My mind is scatterbrained and I just really have fallen apart. There comes a time in life where you think you've reached your lowest lows. And I cannot imagine it getting much worse than this.

Life is so undeniably precious. I've had a hard taste of having it taken from me. They say you learn something new everyday. This weekend I've learned that no matter what stress you have in your life, what you may think are your biggest problems, none of that compares to losing someone close to you. Don't waste your time on petty, meaningless things. Enjoy your memories and treasure them forever.